4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
