are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
