That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
