Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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