I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
