i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
