So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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