I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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