New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
