Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bring money and cleavage
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
