Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize