i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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