saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
