So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
