I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
