it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
