Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
