Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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