census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
