youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
