Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
