either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
