He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
