Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
