Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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