I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
