it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
