I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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