we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize