I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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