Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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