So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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