Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
