You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
