In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
