Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize