Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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