Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
