What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
