$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
