Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
