Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
