yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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