yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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