How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
