wake up i wanna do it froggy style
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
