The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
