After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dignity is for republicans.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
