So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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