That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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