i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
