im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
