Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
