I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
