We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
