Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
