i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
