I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
