Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
