i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
