i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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